Review: Dark Shadows

The latest Johnny Depp/ Tim Burton collaboration is, more or less, exactly what you'd expect it to be. This movie is a very shiny thing on the outside, but when you get down to it, there's not much in the way of substance under the fancy exterior.

Johnny Depp (above) stars in Hollywood's re-imagining of the popular supernatural soap opera Dark Shadows. I've never seen an episode of the show, and I really don't know all that much about it, so this is one time that you don't have to worry about the source material affecting how I feel about the flick. 

Tim Burton and Johnny Depp are famous for the interesting and outlandish results of their nearly continuous collaborations over the years. More recently, the end products of those collaborations have started to appear less and less spectacular  (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, anyone?) The hope in some quarters was that this would be the film to put the magic spark back in Burton's work. Sadly, that is not the case. Dark Shadows has all the bells and whistles you'd expect, and none of the heart you'd hope for. 

The story is only mildly convoluted: Barnabas Collins, the son of a successful Colonial father, runs about in the 1700's, doing whatever and whomever he pleases. It's the latter that gets him into trouble. He spurns the affections of a serving girl for those of a higher-born girl - trouble is, that servant girl also happens to be a witch. Her desire for Barnabas leads her to compel his new squeeze to jump off a cliff. Barnabas is so grief-stricken that he follows suit, only to discover when he hits the ground that he's been made into an immortal vampire by the witch, who then locks him in a coffin for a few hundred years as punishment. 

When Barnabas is set free again, it turns out to be 1972. Barnabas returns to his home, Collinwood Manor, and sets about trying to wrangle his descendants, acclimate himself to the new century, and combat his old flame, the witch (who is still very much alive and kicking). 

The best things about Dark Shadows are all on the surface. It has Burton's usual style and flair, incorporating borderline garish set pieces, costumes, and characters - all of which look pretty fantastic. Visually, the movie is a real treat. It's easy to see that the movie was shot with Imax and 3D formats in mind, and the great thing is that even in standard 2D, it still looks great. 

The real problem is, Dark Shadows is a movie that can't decide what it wants to be, and most of that fault lies with the script. There are elements of comedy, drama, and the dark and supernatural here - and not one of them hits the right note with any regularity. The storytelling beats here are all off, and their misplacement makes the movie hobble along (and occasionally spin in circles). The movie feels overstuffed with characters who flit in and out according to story demands rather than common sense (for example, we see Barnabas' 1970's love interest just long enough for him to decide he's in love with her, then she virtually disappears from the story until the last 2 minutes of the movie). Misplaced jokes ruin what could be strong dramatic moments, and when actual dramatic moments come along, they're so overwrought that they can't be taken seriously.

There's a pretty great cast assembled here. Most of them, like Depp and Helena Bonham-Carter, are Burton standbys - and they certainly don't lack talent. Trouble is, even the greatest actors can only do so much with subpar, shallow material like they have here.